It's been a looooooong time, fam!

It's been a looooooong time, fam!

First time vending at Hendricks County Pride but not my first time with the good ol’ bisexual finger guns!

Returning to start from Square One has been quite the endeavor!

As I dusted off the blog, I realized I hadn’t posted in over two years… 105 weeks, to be specific.

I guess it would be simple but insufficient to say that a lot has changed in that period of time.

Please allow me to ramble an overview at you:

I Started Powerlifting

I hit a PR in my squat at my first powerlifting meet in December of 2024! 125kg (275 pounds)!

As a major push to work on my physical and mental health (both of which were in bad shape in 2023), I took up powerlifting in early 2024. And when I say I took up powerlifting, I caught fire. I absolutely fell in love with the sport and set a goal to compete in a meet before my 45th birthday.

Powerlifting helped me work through a lot of mental struggles and has played a role in helping me get my Type II Diabetes under control. I got my diagnosis in late 2023 and have been working hard to change some of my lifestyle to wrangle my A1c and blood sugar. I wanted to avoid medication if I could, but that hasn’t been the case for me so I am taking an all-tools-on-the-table approach while centering physical activity such as powerlifting as my main tool.

Two days before my birthday, I competed in a powerlifting meet and I hit two personal records (squat and deadlift)!

My best bench press is 83kg (183 pounds), my best squat is 125kg (275 pounds), and my best deadlift (although it didn’t count in the meet, I did get it lifted so I count it!) is 155kg (341 pounds) which totals up to 799 pounds and is both something I am really proud of and super frustrated by since I’m just one measly pound away from the 800-pound club!

I look forward to the day I get to return to the sport and grow as an athlete.

But, it will take some time because…

I Tore My ACL

This brace was my constant companion for several weeks.

I wish I had a glamorous story to go along with this injury, and I probably could come up with a delightful heroic tale, but it would not be anywhere close to the boring and sad reality of my experiencing a slip-and-fall.

I fell in late February 2025, had surgery in May, and have been in physical therapy nearly six months now with about a week to go before I’m considered to be capable of full work duties with no restrictions.

It makes me nervous as I am not fully recovered by a long shot and I am actually really scared of how I’m going to be able to recover when my physical therapy will come to its end.

My first visit with my surgeon laid out the expectations for me as well as a choice. He let me know that humans can function without an ACL just fine. I wouldn’t be able to stop/start really quickly, or pivot super well, or do anything that requires cutting and changing directions fast.

And at the age of 45, just starting a new stage of physical fitness in my life out of not only interest but for health, I was pretty sure I needed an ACL and opted for surgery.

Having that decision made, the conversation moved toward setting expectations for recovery.

I was told that I wouldn’t feel like myself for anywhere between 9-12 months.

I understood at the time how long it would be, but understanding and feeling are not the same.

I was fairly prepared for the physical journey but I have been underprepared for the mental and emotional toll the injury and surgery have taken on my well-being. I have struggled mightily at various points along the path but there have been moments where I feel like I could rightly celebrate milestones.

And as I’m nearing the halfway mark to that yearlong recovery, I’m at another low point since it will soon be the first time I’m left to my own care without any therapy and presumably not much more follow up with my doctor either.

My lonely travels are set to get lonelier…

But I have to be clear, even though it is a lonely struggle, I have not been alone. I have had people step closer to me and gave me comfort in ways I deeply appreciate and also…

I Got Married

The moment Kathy became my wife.

I’ve known Kathy for several years now and have had the chance to call her a friend for the last few years as our circles and activities began to overlap more and more. It didn’t take long for me to develop a crush on her and I worked up the courage to ask her out on a date in the summer of 2024.

Powerlifting was a way for me to get strong enough to pick up chicks, I’d say with complete seriousness to anyone who would listen.

After our first date, I was plotting ways to physically pick up Kathy over my shoulder much to her chagrin and begrudging delight.

I was in love, what can I say?

And I’m even more in love today than any day before.

The world is a very challenging place for queer and trans folks and that weighs heavily on both of us beyond our own personal reasons as queer women. We work with marginalized populations, we volunteer and fundraise, and we sit with our community.

We got married on New Year’s Eve 2024 and while we deeply love each other, our timetable for our wedding was accelerated in no small part due to the political climate.

Who knows if same-sex marriage would come under attack? (Spoiler: we knew, every fucking queer person knew, and we are right).

But beyond same-sex marriage being vulnerable, we wanted to make sure we could align ourselves to better tackle issues our community faces such as housing and food insecurity, job discrimination, barriers to accessing evidence-based health care, all the way to harassment and violence. Kathy and I have found ways that we can do our best to help our neighbors who need help and I know that I couldn’t do as much without her as I do with her.

We aren’t stopping anytime soon, either!

I Relaunched Queer Chocolatier

After my powerlifting meet but before I trashed my ACL I was able to set up for my first farmers market in over a year.

In January of 2025, I jumped back into operating Queer Chocolatier after a year-long hiatus.

Grace Episcopal Church in Muncie was an endlessly gracious (see what I did there!?) host and shared their certified kitchen with me for many months. But ultimately, it was getting challenging for me to navigate my mental health post-divorce and find the time and energy to make chocolate and juggle a day job let alone even consider my overall well-being.

I made the choice to put QC on hold while I work on healing in all the possible ways.

It was hard and painful to pause this business because I love it so deeply. Queer Chocolatier is where I find a lot of my purpose, to the point it’s all folded back on me and has become my identity in many respects.

The grieving process of stopping my business for an indeterminate length of time was as excruciating as it was necessary. It was only right for me to grieve something that has been an integral part of who I am for the previous six years.

I missed it deeply.

But after marrying Kathy and beginning the process of joining households and merging the lives of our whole family, I began considering the hows of relaunching Queer Chocolatier.

Kathy recommended I start small by being a home-based vendor.

I have been operating as such since the beginning of this year and it has led to many wonderful moments of creation and many moments of cramped kitchen frustrations. Chocolate machines and molds cover the counters. Pantries are chock-full of chocolate or ingredients to make chocolate or packaging to hold finished chocolate.

One estimate I’ve heard a well-established craft chocolate company give for the percentage of space that should be dedicated to storage in a facility making chocolate is at least 50% and I never took it to heart until becoming a home-based vendor!

But I’m back! Queer Chocolatier is here again and still queer, which doesn’t rhyme the way another version of that phrase is more often heard, but you get me.

Over the summer and into the fall, Queer Chocolatier traveled for the first time to five different small town Pride events throughout Indiana! I’d vended before at Muncie Pride and Pendleton Pride and was happy to return to both festivities, but this year I got to go to Hendricks County Pride, Zionsville Pride, and Fishers Pride!

I also returned to my roots and have been vending at the Minnetrista Farmers Market

I Create More

My chocolate-making skills expanded and deepened this year, including making new chocolate formulas such as my Buttermilk White Chocolate and Blond White Chocolate.

The relaunching of the business has given me many opportunities to experiment with new products and learn how to make new chocolates.

I’ve started making bars with more consistency and better quality.

I’ve started making a couple of white chocolate offerings, including a Blond White Chocolate that has me very excited.

I’ve developed a Malted Milk Chocolate and an espresso-infused bar I call the Up All Night bar.

I’ve started dipping products like pretzels and Teddy Grahams in tempered chocolate for quick snacking delights. (I affectionately call the dipped Teddy Grahams “Bears in Pants” in a techno rhythm on repeat!)

I’ve also worked to improve my baking of Pain au Chocolat, Cinnamon Croissant Buns, and Scones. I’ve also launched some of the fudgy-iest brownies I’ve ever encountered.

I’ve expanded my drinking chocolate kits to closely match my bar lineup.

I’ve introduced lots of folks to Cocoa Tea, the roasted and winnowed shells of cocoa beans.

I got to partner with Tulip Tree Creamery and Pilgrimage Wine Company to pair up our chocolate, cheese, and wine offerings for a fundraising event to support the Soup Kitchen of Muncie.

All of these opportunities have been so much delicious fun!

But I’m unfortunately limited by being a home-based vendor…

I can’t wholesale or distribute and I can’t retail outside of my home state of Indiana and I know that some of you who may be reading this are not in Indiana so it makes it difficult to get my products to you.

Maybe I can return to a certified kitchen or, dreamily, a manufacturing space with a retail cafe again, but I’m in no rush as I don’t want to overextend my capacity (which is already limited with the day job and a recovering knee).

Even with limitations, though, and even with a long delay, I’m very happy and proud to say that I’m back!

Queer Chocolatier is remaining unapologetically indulgent with yet another pivot in a long series of pivots!

And if you’ve made it this long in reading this post, I want to thank you for continually showing up and sticking by my side! I appreciate you more than I can express.

It really has been a long time, y’all!

I hope I can be a part of your holiday celebrations and gift-giving moments, even while things are hard everywhere. Let me know how I can bring you a little bit of joy in the dark stretches and let me know how I can be in solidarity with you in the difficult era we are in.

Lots of love from me to you!

Thoughts on Pride from a Queer Chocolatier

Thoughts on Pride from a Queer Chocolatier

In the forty-nine years between the Stonewall Riots and today, the LGBTQIA2+ community has experienced wave upon wave of changes, from new letters of identities being included in our community acronym to the SCOTUS ruling in 2015 that same-sex marriage be federally recognized and from a reboot of Queer Eye and to black and brown stripes being sewn into the rainbow flag.

The month-long celebration of our queerness and trans*-ness in the heat of June sunshine has also changed from its inception. Some of the changes render Pride celebrations hardly recognizable from the early riots, yet much of the emotional outlets and connections remain as true to message as ever: “We’re Here! We’re Queer!”

My wife and I have attended three Pride marches in two states in the last three years. We weren’t married during the first year we marched alongside one another under the brutal Indiana summer sun but, again thanks to SCOTUS, we wed later that same year. Indy Pride was extraordinary that year due to the outpouring of support in the face of the passing of RFRA--Religious Freedom Restoration Act--which was a blatant attempt to codify statewide discrimination against queer and trans* folx.

Hoosiers showed up in large numbers to surround us with love.

Cheri and I, before we were married, marching with Indy Feminists in the Indy Pride Parade in June 2015.

Living in Minneapolis for our first year of marriage allowed us to attend the Twin Cities Pride celebrations and, although we knew that it was the third-largest Pride parade outside of San Francisco and New York, we were in awe. It was truly a massive crush of humanity.

We relished in our open celebration of our love in a city that seems beyond accepting of queer folx.

My wife and I sharing a Pride-ful kiss at Twin Cities Pride in 2016.

Last year, my wife and I moved back to Muncie, Indiana and our small cadre of queer friends all attended Indy Pride together. Our group has folx ranging in age from 20s to 50s and Pride means different things to us individually as much as generationally. This was also the first Pride where I got to meet up with my aunt and her own queer crew.

Our return to Indy Pride in 2017, without marching in the parade this time.

Queer Chocolatier's First Pride

Queer Chocolatier first became #outandopenforbusiness last August, so this is the first Pride month for the business. As such, Cheri and I put lots of thought into how we want to celebrate the month with chocolate and transparency.

For the month of June--for Pride--I am going to return to my roots and celebrate this month with my Bittersweet Truffles. No rainbow truffles or glitter from Queer Chocolatier.

Bittersweet Truffles represent not only my beginnings as a chocolatier, but they represent pride in the quality of what I offer you as well as serving as a metaphor for the complicated feelings I have about Pride celebrations: 

I am simultaneously critical of and hopeful for Pride.

Pride Critiques

As Pride has grown even more flashy and colorful, it still remains overwhelmingly white, racially-speaking. Recent Pride events across the nation also have increased their rapidly-growing corporate and police presence.

In part, this can be explained because of the organizing bodies that put the work into coordinating Pride events are also mostly white. Observing this isn't meant to be callous; it is a feat to put together such events but the amount of labor, including emotional labor, must be absolutely draining. For someone who is of lower income, or not able-bodied, or of an ethnic or racial minority, such labor may be simply too much to add to their own daily struggles of societal navigation.

In many instances, it is easy to see how today's version of Pride lacks resonance with queer and/or trans* persons of color as well as younger folx. QTPOC are more likely to have negative encounters with law enforcement than white queer and/or trans* folx. And, broadly speaking, our queer and/or trans* youth are savvy and critical of capitalism and conspicuous consumerism in a way that older generations are not. Both QTPOC and younger queer and trans* folx are at greater risk of economic, physical, and mental harm.

QTPOC

When the 2017 Columbus, Ohio Pride parade was blocked by Black Lives Matter protesters who were bringing to light the violence that QTPOC experience, some white organizers and participants were irate that the space was no longer made comfortable for them. Not only were they irate, they aggressively pursued charges against the Black Pride 4, thereby shining a harsh spotlight on the growing chasm between the middle-class white cis queers and QTPOC. There was a stark division on display during this parade and later at the Twin Cities parade, where protesters were quickly mobilized after the acquittal of the officer who killed Philando Castile; it is shameful that cities that have shown a lot of acceptance with queerness have not put in the labor to be as racially and ethnically inclusive.

It is especially shameful that this division is within our own house. Particularly as we owe Sylvia and Marsha a great debt for the roots of our month of celebration but we also demonstrate that we would likely kick them out of "our" space were they with us today. Pride organizers can and must do more to pass the mic and be inclusive.

Queer and/or Trans* Youth

A segment of our queer youth lack a connection with Pride because they haven't directly witnessed some of the ugly historic events firsthand.  Possibly this could be a consequence of the success of society's acceptance of queer and trans* people. But I suspect our queer and trans* youth is sometimes leery of Pride because in part of the pervasive "Rainbow Marketing" corporatization and commercialization of the events.

For the longest time, queer and trans* folx weren't seen as market-worthy. More frequently, we were discriminated against before we even could show that some of us had money to spend; folx would have to remain in the closet when banking or purchasing a home or applying for work. Some still do since there are too many states that still have no legal protections for queer and/or trans* persons. When Pride parades are filled with corporate sponsors and employers touting their diverse workforce, some older queer and/or trans* people see this as progress because they remember a time that corporations willfully forgot that green ($$$) was a color in the rainbow.

However, the youth in our marginalized community are often crushed under the wheel of society's venomous "religious liberty" laws and are more concerned with finding a safe place to call home rather than which company is courting them for their disposable income. Our youth are still suffering from violent bullying, mental health issues, and lack of stability at home or work once they enter the job market. It is shallow to be excited over the next rainbow flavored or colored widget to buy when LGBTQIA2+ youth are 120% more likely to experience homelessness versus others.

These overlapping issues of race and class must be addressed in order for Pride to remain inclusive, relevant, and courageous. 

Pride Praise

Pride is not without bright and shining moments that are praiseworthy. As an effort to listen to and address the concerns of QTPOC, some cities such as Minneapolis and Edmonton, Canada are adopting a policy that uniformed police officers are not allowed at the Pride events but police officers can instead participate out of uniform as members of the community. Whether this will fully tackle the dynamic between law enforcement and marginalized communities is not the question, but the steps taken in engaging with the community on their terms will hopefully bear fruit to show how we can reclaim our spaces.

Again, it cannot be overstated that Pride began as a riotous demonstration of visibility, dignity, and liberty. 

As such, we cannot remain complacent in simply partying and shopping our way to full equality and justice in society. To that point, Anthony Niedwecki wrote in his piece in The Advocate earlier this month, "As we again feel that same boot of oppression crushing down on us and other minority communities, it is time for us to once again use our collective might in active defense of justice and equality." Pride, out of necessity, must be a political event and we need to do all we can collectively to engage one another so that we can more fully resist the oppression of dominant groups.

One way that folx are making a political statement is to throw Queerbomb events rather than participate in the mainstream Pride parades. Queerbomb Austin, for example, turns to crowdfunding instead of courting corporations for money to celebrate their queerness on their own terms, with promoting speakers such as a queer deaf community activist and sex workers' rights activists in 2018. In contrast, Pride events have arguably pursued palatability rather than authenticity. 

I hope Pride can reclaim some of its defiant glory.

But perhaps out of some small measure of defiance, several communities throughout the country organized their first Pride events for 2018. Rural spaces and small towns often are challenging places for queer and/or trans* folx to be visible and free. When communities come together to launch their own Pride parade, without the flash and slick advertising found in LGBTQIA2+ meccas, the main thing on display is courage. Columbus, IN, home of the (in)famous Mike Pence, celebrated Pride in April of 2018 based on the hard work and organization of a bisexual high school student. Southern Illinois is also having its first Pride event this year, with much of its efforts on supporting the rural LGBTQ youth who struggle with isolation and rejection more than their counterparts throughout the country.

DIY Pride events aren't limited to small towns throwing their first celebration. The National Women's Soccer League recognizes Pride as a meaningful event for its players and fans, however, one team regularly holds out. The Washington Spirit owner, Bill Lynch, is a person who holds conservative political views and projects them regularly over his team and its operations, in ways that include not only dismissing Pride events but also in thwarting visiting team's star Megan Rapinoe's national anthem protest by unilaterally deciding to play the anthem while both soccer clubs were in their locker rooms. As a result, fans create their own Pride Night events as a way to push back against an owner of a club they feel doesn't represent their voice.

Still Proud

When queer and trans folx have adversity to face, we can galvanize to push back and boldly make a statement. But, when we have reached a certain level of "tolerance" or "acceptance" from society, we tend to forget that while some of our struggles have lessened, others in our family are still at risk of great harm. 

As a businessqueer, I am proud of being visible but I recognize it isn't easy for all of us to be so. Founding Queer Chocolatier has given me a platform. For others, Pride may be their platform and for others still, there may not be a platform to be had.

For me, to remember the current challenges and risks faced by the most marginalized in our community is also to remember the recent and historical struggles our community faced. Our liberation must be for our most vulnerable. 

We need to continue to remember our roots. We need to return to our basics. We need to return to unapologetic love. And I can do that while still being proud.

---

Let me know how you feel about Pride, our community, and Queer Chocolatier. What would you want to see from our business to stand in solidarity with queer and/or trans* folx in our community?

And let me know how you would like to join me in solidarity. Because Pride is about all of us and it is political. And we can't make it in this world without each other.